Elbow Room

If you or your kids have grown up in the U.S.A. in the last thirty years or so, you may remember a Saturday morning educational program called Schoolhouse Rock.  This series of animated musical films covered subjects such as math, English grammar, science, and history.  One of the episodes that I remember was called “Elbow Room”, and it was all about westward expansion in the U.S.  The main idea of the song was about how our need for more space drove us to explore new areas and push our national boundaries farther.  It is an idea that is very familiar in our culture:  We crave spaciousness.

What is it about spaciousness that is so appealing to us?  It seems that there is something about the expansiveness of “wide open spaces” that invites creativity and possibility.  Conversely, when we feel cramped or crowded, we may feel inhibited and limited.  The desire for more spaciousness can show up in the kinds of workspaces we seek, the neighborhoods we choose, or the homes and vehicles we buy. 

Another value common to our culture is the desire for freedom.  We long to make our own choices and are excited about having options!  I would venture to say that a sense of spaciousness is closely linked to our sense of freedom.

There are times when values of freedom and spaciousness may be in conflict – especially when we do not develop healthy self-care practices.  Having more freedom means that we have to make more choices, and sometimes we get tired of choosing.  Choosing takes effort, and when we have too many choices, we can feel overwhelmed. 

In his research on self-control and willpower, Roy Baumeister describes the “ego depletion” that occurs with every decision we make.  Self-control is a finite resource and when we have too many choices to make, we have a hard time maintaining our willpower.

What happens when we are too tired or overwhelmed to choose?  We delay decisions.  “I’ll get to that later”, we think, or maybe we deliberately decide that we want to keep our options open – hang on to that email, piece of paper, clothing, furniture, etc.  Soon, our delayed decisions are encroaching on our space – physically, mentally, and emotionally.

When we feel cramped, we may be tempted to just seek more “Elbow Room.”  Sooner or later, though, expansion becomes unsustainable.  Then what? To maintain our sense of spaciousness, we must increase our clarity about what is most important to us, and create rules about what we will keep and what we will let go.  Then, we must cultivate our ability to “let go”. 

The idea of increasing our clarity and learning to let go may sound simple – but it is not necessarily easy.  Nonetheless, if we want “elbow room” in our lives, these are practices that are worth nurturing.

This month on “The Nudge”, we’ll be exploring the domain of Physical Environment with a discussion about “Clearing the Clutter.”  I hope you’ll join me and guest expert, Elisabeth Galperin at noon on May 23 as we discuss this important part of self-care!

"Elbow Room" From Schoolhouse Rock

Spring into a New Beginning

It won’t be long now before the coming of spring – that hopeful time of year when new beginnings are all around us. It is a time of energy and growth for many of us, and it brings a welcome change of pace from the more reflective mood of the winter months.

Before you “spring into spring” though, I encourage you to take some time to be thoughtful about where you will put your energy. It’s no secret that our culture here in the U.S. promotes us to be overly busy. There is always more “to do"! Optimal self-care invites us to take strategic actions that are aligned with our vision and values. When we are clear about what we want to create in our lives, and what is most important to us, it becomes easier for us to know what actions are appropriate.

Do you have a clear vision of what you would like to create for your health and well-being? What would optimal health look like for you? Notice that I said “optimal health” – not perfect health. What you consider “optimal” will be quite personal. This isn’t about perfectionism – it’s about increasing your level of well-being, wherever you are, and making progress towards a level of health that would support you in doing and being all that you feel called to do and be. What would your best life look like?

If you’ve never stopped to ask yourself these questions, you might feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start. Here are a few suggestions to get you going:

Fill in the blank:

Imagine yourself living a life of optimal health and well-being. If it helps, close your eyes and create a picture for yourself. Then, ask yourself the following questions:

1.  What would optimal health feel like for me?

2.  What would I be doing if I were optimally healthy?

3.  What would be different?


Once you've got your ideas down on paper, you can even turn them into a picture by making a word cloud.  Just cut and paste your words into an application like Wordle or Tagxedo.

 

Sample Word Cloud
based on my business mission and logo
Tagxedo.com

Draw a picture:

Imagine yourself with a level of well-being that would delight you. Then, get a blank piece of paper and the writing tools of your choice (crayons and colorful markers make it extra fun!). Start to draw a picture with words and/or images that capture the vision you created. There are no right answers. Just allow yourself to play and see what you notice!

For more information about the powerful effect that drawing can have, I recommend Patti Dobrowlowski's TED talk, "Drawing Your Future", available on my resources page.

Make a vision board:

Get a stack of old magazines and start leafing through them. If you notice a picture or a phrase that appeals to you, tear it out. You don’t need to know why it appeals to you. Just start tearing or cutting things out until you have accumulated a stack. Next, get a piece of blank poster-board and start laying the images or words out on them in a way that pleases you. Notice how you are feeling and which selections “resonate” with you most. Once you have everything laid out, glue it down.

Alternatives:

• Don’t want to commit? Pin your selections to a corkboard or secure them with magnets so you can move them around at will.
• Want to go digital? Consider doing a vision board on Pinterest.  (if you're new to Pinterest, you can get my tutorial here)
• Want some support? Have a vision-boarding party and let your friends in on the fun!

Creating a personal health vision is a great way to get to know yourself better and to get in touch with your hopes and dreams. In my coaching work, this is the place where every journey towards positive change begins!

There are lots of other ways to increase your self-knowledge. This month on The Nudge, our guest, Lisa Wickham will be leading us in an exploration of the topic “Inviting Wellness through Mind-Body Connection”. I hope you’ll consider joining us for this chance to hear from Lisa and interact with us.

When you think about your own well-being, what is your “dream destination”? Knowing that, where will you put your energy? I’d love to hear what inspires you!

Transitions

It’s been a busy summer and I’ve taken several months off from blogging to do some traveling with my family.  I hope that many of you have also been finding time to have some adventures, enjoy a change of pace or venue, and create some good memories.  Summer is a great time for that.  

In July, we were blessed with the opportunity to take a trip to Brazil to visit the family with whom I lived as an exchange student many years ago, and also to visit the area of Brazil where we served as volunteer workers between 2007 and 2010.  This visit to Brazil was emotionally dense -- full of encounters with special people who have touched and changed our lives.

Travel is a rich and rewarding experience.  But it can be stressful too.  As we were leaving Raleigh, my family passed through the first of many airport security screens, and afterwards, hurried to gather our belongings.  I had to laugh when I saw the amusing sign which was hanging above the seating area where travelers sit to put their shoes back on:  “Recombobulation Area”, it said.  Indeed.  That same sign could have been posted above all the bags and laundry that cluttered our home after we returned!

As the end of summer approaches, I find myself preparing for more changes that a new season will bring.  School started back this week and our family’s schedule has altered.  The weather will grow cooler, the days shorter, and we will adjust our activities and clothing accordingly.  Before long, it will be time to begin to think about preparing for fall and winter holidays.  And so it goes.

Life is full of transitions – some expected and others quite surprising or even shocking.  We often need to “recombobulate.”   Sometimes we manage changes by just hanging on for dear life.  Other times, we use transitions as opportunities to reflect, learn, and grow. 

As an integrative health coach, I often work with people in the midst of transition.  Some are hoping to enhance their ability to manage or prevent a chronic disease.  Some have had a “wake-up” call because of a serious health scare.  Others are led by an urge to pursue a new level of health and vitality.  For those who are seeking to clarify their direction or create a powerful new beginning, coaching provides a proven tool to facilitate that process.

Have you ever needed to “recombobulate”?  What approaches did you use to find your way?  When transitions come your way, I hope that they will provide opportunities for you to enhance your well-being.

As a wise person said: “Life is change.  Growth is optional.  Choose wisely.”  

May you be well! 

The Power of a Mirror

I have always loved to dance, and over the years I’ve had my share of dance lessons. Most of them were ballet, and they occurred in locations that looked very similar. There was a large empty room with a wide expanse of floor, a barre attached to one wall, and a mirror on the other wall. The expansiveness of the room created a clear space where students could move freely. The barre was there to help us with balance.  The mirror was there to reflect the way our bodies looked as they moved or stood still.

The mirror was an important tool as we developed deeper awareness of our bodies. When we could see what we were doing, we could decide if it matched the aesthetic we were trying to create and adjust our positions accordingly. Over time, we learned how it “felt” to be a dancer. After many rehearsals with the mirror, we could recreate that feeling on stage – confident that what we were now able to perform would faithfully represent the vision of the choreographer.

I’ve been thinking about mirrors lately, and the power that they have. Sometimes when we look in the mirror, we don’t like what we see. But unless we are at a “fun house” we can trust that the mirror is showing us what is actually there. How we use the information mirrors give us is where the power comes in. It isn’t helpful to judge what we see, or to wish it were different. It is very powerful, however, to notice what is “so”, decide whether that matches what we want, and choose whether or not there is an appropriate action for us to take.

Among the other skills that professional coaches develop, we are particularly trained to act as “mirrors” for our clients. We listen deeply and then reflect what we hear. Whether we reflect our clients’ words verbatim, or paraphrase them, we are careful not to add anything extra. It is astounding how something so simple – paying attention to one’s speaking – can create breakthroughs. Clients often find moments of great clarity when a coach uses reflection – honing in on what is most important to them, or where they are getting stopped in achieving the results to which they are committed.

The “a-ha” moments that clients have during coaching are exciting and satisfying, but powerful listening and reflection also have longer-lasting rewards. As I work with clients, I have also noticed that it is common for them to begin to develop greater awareness and ability to listen to themselves. Just as I found a physical mirror helpful in honing my ability to dance on stage, my clients seem to use my reflections as a tool for increasing their mindful awareness in their day-to-day lives. 

Mirrors are one way to notice what is “so”. A physical mirror may help you notice that piece of spinach caught in your teeth, or that you appear tired and need rest.  A "coach mirror” may help you identify the vision and values that give your life meaning, and the daily choices you make that help create the life you have.

Are you using your mirrors to their best advantage?